“Cane Prayer”

 

c.2020 Rod Ice

All rights reserved

(12-20)

 

 

Knees bent

From the wobble of worn joints

To the point

I am middle-aged

Longing for yonder days

When my shuffle from morning to night

Came without the pain

This dip into dark depths of a soul, depressed

I’m in quite a mess

Snow falling and self failing

Chapped hands on the porch railing

Struggling to grip

A soft curse on my lips

Not so long ago

I could swing my hips

Dance down the steps

I’ll never forget

But today I drag my feet like Quasimodo

Ringing the bell

Sunset

The closure of death

I hobble along, panting for my breath

Spirit strong

Still moving along

One foot past the other

I’m the curious brother

Given to rants

And sleeping in athletic pants

I need a chance

A chase through the woods

To reclaim my personhood

My independence, my soul

Before I slip down the rabbit hole

I may have grown old

But there’s still jive in my step

Still a song in my head

Words that need to be said

I’m not ready to be dead

Gimlet in the glass

I’ll take a hard pass

No potion of drink

Can cause me to think

Of anything other than this journey

To the center of me

From surrender, I flee

Let the storms come, with winter days

I’ll meet them over a glass of Tanqueray

And a whispered prayer of hope

I’m walking slow

Not much get up in my go

Yet still I walk

Toward the border wall

Toward the sunrise

Toward the end of night

Toward the rebirth that will negate my hurt

Let me move like a younger man

The one I feel in my core

The one I was in days of yore

Able and affable

Not busted up and laughable

How did I become

A broken son

I never expected to fall

So far from the crystal ball

Here in the snow

Needing grace from the medicine show

Knees and left hip

Giving function the slip

Fatigued

Far from moving usefully

Not long ago

I could walk a mile for a Camel

Work the wood with my Dremel

Dance a jig

Spin the spit for a roast pig

How did it change?

I can’t remember turning the page

Dipping deep into the dark side

Black and white

Limping through the firefight

Swinging, shouting

Another inning on the outing

Never doubting

My desire to find a way back

To the one I was before my bones cracked

Before I became

The neighborhood crank

Stuck in a snowbank

Canes at the ready

To keep me steady

I’ll never fear the fall

Just try to keep my place

My honest face

My last step like Humpty Dumpty

Off the wall

This is my prayer

My siren call

A phone number for Jenny

On the bathroom wall

867-5309

That’s the number I dream

A page from the magazine

Marker stripe

Running right

A detour in my 60’s Ford

They pulled the cord

Now my hospital stay

Has come to a delay

I’m stiff on the bed

Knees shot and shrapnel in my head

It’s all the afterglow

Of going down in the snow

I lost my balance

I spent the chance

To be a better self

When I slipped and fell