“Furnace Freeze, Part Three”

c. 2020 Rod Ice

All rights reserved

(1-20)

“I love it when a plan comes together.” - Col. John ‘Hannibal’ Smith on ‘The A-Team.’

In November of last year, I wrote about my adventure in living-without-heat. Or more accurately stated, living with a minimum level of comfort while anticipating the approach of winter. Provided by two meager 1500-watt electric devices that seemed wholly unsuited to bringing a home up to livable temperatures.

But after pondering various options including an expensive furnace replacement, EdenPURE infrared devices recommended by a neighbor, a wood-burner, pellet stove, or an industrial garage blaster, my attention turned toward a propane wall-unit. One which could be mounted vertically, or sat upon accessory legs for positioning on the floor. My friend Birdman, head of maintenance with the last company where I was a manager, did his best to help.

The search created a headache that lasted for several weeks. So my stomach churned with frustration.

Because the household already used liquid propane as the primary source for heat and cooking, a new appliance that worked off that kind of fuel made sense. Online, I located a Dyna-Glo unit that could be purchased at Home depot for around $150.00. This seemed like a reasonable choice while pondering longer-term solutions. Yet when I visited the location in Mentor with my friend Janis, the only model available was nearly $300.00. After making my purchase, I realized that it had been manufactured for use with natural gas. A substance with requirements different from my LP fuel. A conversation with the Birdman produced nothing but agony.

“You have to convert the thing, change the internal components,” he explained. “Does it have a kit? Or instructions?”

“No,” I said, feeling gloomy.

He groaned like a bear at sunrise. “Some run on both fuels, some can’t be converted. I would have to check it out.”

My head bowed. “The store was crowded. Everyone getting ready for the season. There were only two of these heaters on hand. When I got home, there was more time to look it over. I don’t think this is what I wanted after all...”

“F***!” Birdman growled. “The nights are getting colder.”

Finally, I decided to return the Dyna-Glo heater and start over. I went back on my computer and reread the familiar entries at Home Depot, Lowe’s, Walmart, Sears Hometown Stores, and other appliance outlets. Each evening brought a deeper chill to my domicile-at-the-county-line. I shivered in my worn, Everlast hoodie. Perhaps I would be sleeping in the truck through winter? I doubted this would be accepted by my Black Lab.

After surrendering to the idea of buying a high-priced stove from one of the national chains, I used my phone to plan the trip. Then, an ad for Tractor Supply Company appeared on the page. I clicked a virtual button that said ‘propane heaters.’ The list included a more cost-friendly model, currently available at their Ashtabula location. I reckoned that the shelf would be bare when visiting. Yet my route could easily pass the store on my way to get the other heater. So I left it to chance. If nothing else, Janis and I would get Chinese food at Panda Buffet, nearby.

TSC was busy. I roamed the store, looking at fixtures, tools, and a line of camouflage mini-bikes. Finally, the heater section revealed itself in a front corner, hidden behind rows of other seasonal merchandise. There was an entire shelf of the auxiliary units I needed. Several bore a red inscription on the box.

‘PROPANE.’

I let out a Ric Flair cheer. “Woooooooooo!”

My friend the maintenance technician was satisfied. About one week later, we took a ride for parts. The best plan for installation seemed to be using the furnace supply line as our source. The heater could be positioned in front of my old entertainment center. A giant piece of furniture no longer suited to holding a modern TV.

Birdman was a busy fellow. So a complete hookup took three visits. But when the metal calefactor was in place, its first breath of fire filled the room with hope. It offered 30,000 BTUs of heat. A convincing statement against the frosty doldrums of Old Man Winter.

I had originally figured on having to place a second unit at the back of my mobile home. But the new heater quickly got our thermometer up to 70 degrees. It did not take long to forget that the conventional furnace had expired forever.

I spent $199.00 to avoid a bill for $3500.00. It seemed like a fair exchange.

As I celebrated my good fortune, Janis reported that her aging, oil furnace needed a burner. And a new blower motor. She moaned about the cost. But took comfort from having it in-service for winter.

I reminded her that Tractor Supply had more of the ‘Mr. Heater’ devices for sale.

“Birdman could set a propane tank by the side of your house,” I reflected. “Good to know you have options for the New Year!”

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