“Twitter Test”

c. 2019 Rod Ice

All rights reserved

(6-19)

Automatic.

I have sometimes observed in print that the best newspaper columns seem to create themselves. Almost like an episode of inspired writing by the late seer Edgar Cayce. An example of this phenomenon appeared recently, as I scrolled through entries on my Twitter account feed. There amid comments about sports, beer, music and radio expat Phil Hendrie, was an unfamiliar reference. Delivered by Liz C, wife of local broadcast hero Ken Carman of 92.3 The Fan.

Her post mentioned taking an ‘Enneagram’ test, and the resulting personality profile.

I was in the midst of a late breakfast, with ESPN ‘First Take’ on my Roku. But the cryptic mention of this study-tool stalled my daily routine. I searched for results on Google, discovering quickly that her comment would open a new window into a bit of self-discovery over my fried potatoes and eggs:

“The Enneagram of Personality or simply the Enneagram (from the Greek words ennea meaning nine and gramma meaning written or drawn) is a model of the human psyche which is principally understood and taught as a typology of nine interconnected personality types.”

Steven A. Smith was busy analyzing the NBA finals for his national audience. But my attention-stream had been diverted. Over a forkful of fried burrito, I read about a progression from the mystic Evagrius Ponticus, in the 4^th Century, to Claudio Naranjo of Chile, who taught about the Enneagram in California during the early 1970’s. The story itself was intriguing. But I decided to avoid getting lost in the history of this methodology for understanding. My thoughts were focused on personality surveys I had taken in job interviews over the years. They often left me puzzled and sour. But this new model seemed likely to be useful and direct. I read more about the concept, with images of Steph Curry still flashing from the television screen:

“The Enneagram Figure is usually composed of three parts, a circle, an inner triangle (connecting 3-6-9) and an irregular hexagonal ‘periodic figure’ (connecting 1-4-2-8-5-7). According to esoteric spiritual traditions, the circle symbolizes unity, the inner triangle symbolizes the ‘law of three’ and the hexagon represents the ‘law of seven’ (because 1-4-2-8-5-7-1 is the repeating decimal created by dividing one by seven in base 10 arithmetic).”

I logged off Twitter, and mentally muted the ESPN broadcast from my consciousness. After another minute searching for clues, I located a mobile version of the basic test. Though it required a few minutes to complete, my patience remained intact. I put aside the breakfast plate and readied myself. Instructions warned that the results would only be accurate with honest introspection on the part of a subject. I tried to open my mind for genuine analysis.

Echoes of a job interview with P & C Foods in 1978 reverberated through my skull. An experience while I lived in New York. It had been my first encounter with any such intrusive sort of questionnaire. A session with pencil-and-paper in the stockroom of that Empire State supermarket. I felt pangs of dread in the pit of my stomach. Yet took comfort in the thought of a quick trip to greater awareness.

Responses were divided into three – yes, no, and partly. As a diplomat by nature, a large number of my answers were predictably scored as the latter. Something which made me feel embarrassment. Reflective of habits taught by my father. To carefully consider all views, while holding fast to personal convictions. It had steeped me in the enduring medium of philosophical balance. Libertarian, quietly dissident, not given to the high-decibel protestations of Donald Trump, Michael Avenatti, or Alex Jones. Yet curious always for stories outside of the mainstream. Oddly satisfied to be a spectator-of-the-bizarre, and a scribe.

I completed the survey as Max Kellerman was in the midst of an eye-roll and self-aggrandizing bit of condescension toward his co-hosts. Normally, the show would provide an amusing backdrop for my blue-collar meal and coffee. But I had reached the moment of unmasking. With a twinge of angst, I clicked for the results of my test:

“Enneagram Type 5 – The Investigator. Thinkers who tend to withdraw and observe. People of this personality type essentially fear that they don’t have enough inner strength to face life, so they tend to withdraw, to retreat into the safety and security of the mind where they can mentally prepare for their emergence into the world. Fives feel comfortable at home and in the realm of thought. They are generally intelligent, well read and thoughtful and they frequently become experts in the areas that capture their interest… it is not at all uncommon for Fives to have artistic inclinations.”

I had to ponder for a moment. The assessment seemed fair, if a bit too close to the bullseye. My own areas of mastery included hammering out compositions for my online series of columns. Usually based on random encounters in the first person, or on the happenstance of cyberspace connections. My preferred vantage point was from a distance great enough to provide a competent overview, yet close enough to allow careful interaction. Involved as a seeker, but unattached.

But a fear of lacking inner strength? Stockpiling Doritos, beer, sports merchandise and story ideas had always provided the energy I needed to navigate through life. I felt sturdy enough to be myself.

While the Enneagram did not bring sparkling rays of new enlightenment, it confirmed my long-held image of self. I felt content with the results. And satisfied most of all with another prose project birthed by this unexpected encounter through my cellphone.

Cheers to @lizzy297!

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