c. 2021 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(1-21)
It was an uneasy day in the underworld.
Tar Sulpherio, Grand Minion to the Lord of Hell, Lucifer Beelzebub Satan, felt a knot in the pit of his stomach. Smoke wafted from the burning lake where new souls were tortured after their arrival. He shivered a bit, while chewing his long fingernail. Today was a moment he had dreaded for weeks in advance. He knew that Satan would be cranky, with good reason. Everyone demon was on edge. Somehow, he wished to escape. But fate had placed him at the right hand of evil. There was no shirking his duty.
“SULPHERIO!” Lucifer shouted from his throne. “ATTEND ME!”
The minion bowed low with subservience. “Yes, Lord!”
“Today is the day!” the dark master growled.
“Indeed it is, Lord!” the servant replied.
Lucifer rubbed his glowing, red eyes. “How I hate these days of duty! God sends out a decree, and what do we offer him? Submission! We dance around, skip to every word, skip, skip, skip along, let him call the tune like a demented fiddler...”
Thunder shook the cavern with a mighty quake that loosened stones from the craggy ceiling.
“He hates it when you speak like that, sire!” Sulpherio whimpered, covering his head.
The Lord of Hell slumped in his pumice throne. “Goddd! Dear God! He is always so testy. Forgive me, father! Forgive me, you damned old man!”
The minion shielded his eyes. “Shall we prepare a place of honor for Mr. Trump?”
Lucifer exploded. “HONOR? YOU WISH ME TO HONOR THIS IMBECILE MORTAL WHO SEEKS ONLY PRAISE FOR HIMSELF?”
Sulpherio closed his eyes. “No indeed, sire. I only meant that...”
“I KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT, FOOLISH SLAVE!” Lucifer bellowed. A moment of silent reflection passed. Then, he spoke more gently. “This egotistical man-child is used to being coddled and humored and enabled wherever he goes. I must say that his… um… his line of bullshit has always made me recoil with awe. But now, now he is joining us in the depths of Hades.”
“Are you afraid of competition, sire?” the minion chortled.
“AFRAID???” the Dark Lord screamed. “AFRAID???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, AFRAID????”
Sulpherio was trembling. “Please, I beg your pardon, master… please!”
Lucifer shook his head. “I knew that one day, God would banish him here. It was written in the stars. Earth has washed its hands of Donald Trump. Now he is our responsibility. If I could have avoided this day, if there could have been a bargain I could strike, it would have been done. But here we are, pieces on the chessboard. Performing our duties, as father intended.”
The minion bowed again. “Yes, sire!”
The bubbling lake glowed white-hot. Flames scorched the rock ceiling. A chant of demons filled the cavern. Suddenly, there was a rapping on the stone door, from the other side of their chamber.
“BEHOLD!” Lucifer said dramatically. “WE HAVE A NEW ARRIVAL!”
A fanfare of dead trumpeters began to play ‘Hail to the Chief.’
As the cavern door slid open, with bits of crumbling rock trailing across the floor, their guest appeared. Still dressed in a blue business suit, with a blonde quaff combed sideways, and a red tie dangling to his waist.
“Is this the airport?” Trump asked with a hint of confusion. “I’ve got to get to Mar-a-Lago!”
Sulpherio laughed out loud. “Airport? No, friend, you won’t be flying anywhere from now on. Your place is here with us… dipping a toe in the lake of fire!”
The former president was speechless. He stood very still, staring around the chamber.
Lucifer beckoned from his throne. “Won’t you join me, Donald?”
Trump peered forward in disbelief. “What happened to Melania? Or Rudy? Or Steve Bannon? Or Roger Stone?”
There was a wicked cackle of demons from every corner of the realm.
“The end has come,” Sulpherio observed, calmly.
“Indeed!” Lucifer agreed. “Today was appointed over a thousand years ago. Before you were even born. Today, you join us here in damnation. To spend the rest of eternity begging for deliverance from the wages of your sins!”
Trump cocked his head to one side. “Sins? I have no sin, believe me. I was prayed over by preachers and priests. By rabbis even. Maybe a mullah or two, I’m not sure, not sure about that, really. But prayed over a lot. Probably even by little children at bedtime. Prayed over more than any president.”
The minion burst into mad giggling. “Prayers! You think that they could cleanse your shame? The stain of causing an insurrection against your own government?”
The former president brushed bits of pumice off his collar. “The Jesus crowd loved me. Loved me a lot! I was the one not afraid to stand up for America, stand up holding a Bible, you know, a very special Bible, gold on the edge of every page, leather binding, the best Bible anyone has ever seen.”
Lucifer narrowed his eyes. “Did you ever read that book?”
Trump sputtered like a misbehaving kid. “I have, many times. Many times, believe me, read it a lot, I am a big Bible guy. They love me, the Bible people, the Jesus crowd, they love me.”
Sulpherio smacked his hands together with glee. “Idiot prince! Your lies mean nothing here! Do you think we are fooled by such rhetorical nonsense?”
The former president raised his hand as if appearing to testify in court. “Believe me!”
Lucifer leaned forward in his throne. An ominous whisper rasped from his throat. “Donald Trump, I have peered intently into your soul. Do you understand? Deep into the crevices of your mind. Into your heart. Everything that you are has been laid bare before me. There are no secrets. Your flesh, your blood, the breath in your lungs, it has all been surrendered to me...”
A cold chill went through the cavern.
Sulpherio gestured with his withered hand. “God has decreed that you spend the rest of eternity here with us, toiling away, swimming in the waves of boiling fire, mourning every sin, every selfish act, every betrayal, every lie!”
Trump was defiant. “I am the president! Not a garbage collector, not a ditch-digger. Not a small man. I am huuuge! Larger than life, believe me! Just like I won the election, by a landslide! I won bigly!”
Lucifer was amused. “LIFE? THERE IS NO LIFE LEFT IN YOU, DONALD! ONLY ENDLESS NIGHTS HERE IN HELL WITH THE CHOIR OF DAMNED SOULS! YOU WILL KNEEL HERE, BEFORE ME, FOREVER!”
The former president took a deep breath. “Look, if I am here, here in Hell, then my place should be negotiating for you. Making deals. I know ‘The Art of the Deal’ okay? Know it very, very well. Better than anyone.”
Sulpherio held his stomach, feeling sick.
“I rank here, I deserve a throne next to yours!” Trump continued. “You want power? I know all about power. I had power, lots of power in the White House...”
“ENOUGH!!!” Lucifer shouted. “ENOUGH OF THIS!!! I KNEW YOU WOULD EXPECT TO BE HONORED HERE! YOU ARE WORSE THAN RICHARD NIXON! MORE OF A BUFFOON THAN BENITO MUSSOLINI! AND TERRIBLY ANNOYING, LIKE MARIE ANTOINETTE!”
A trio of demons stepped forward. Each had a length of rusty chain in their right claw.
“BIND HIM!” The dark lord continued. “THEN THROW HIM IN THE BURNING LAKE! LET HIS PUNISHMENT BEGIN! LET ETERNITY CLAIM ITS PREY!”
* * * * * *
President Trump writhed in his narrow bed. A voice called from the airplane cockpit. “Sir, we are about to land in Florida. This is it, Mr. President. You have a limousine waiting for the trip to Mar-a-Lago. Joe Biden will be taking the oath of office, back in Washington.”
The airline cabin felt unusually warm. He had broken out into a sweat. Still, it felt good to be alive. At first, his fingers missed the intercom button. Then, he replied with a stammer of emotion.
“I have been treated so unfairly. But this is going to be different,” he admitted. “I am a winner, always a winner. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I will be bigger than Fox News, Rush Limbaugh or Newsmax. Bigger than Star Wars, Bigger than Harry Potter. Bigger than big. Believe me!”
Comments about ‘Words on the Loose’ may be sent to: icewritesforyou@gmail.com
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