c. 2020 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(11-20)
The Setting: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, the Oval Office
The Players: Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States; Rudy Giuliani, counsel to the president; Mark Meadows, White House Chief of Staff
The Mood: The morning is somber for everyone in the Trump administration as CNN has just announced that Joe Biden has won his bid to become the next Commander-in-Chief of America. Voters across the nation are loose in the streets, celebrating. Outside, protesters are cheering. Through the White House windows, a familiar Classic Rock epic is booming from wireless speakers.
“This is the end… beautiful friend, the end...”
Donald Trump: “What is that outside? That music?”
Mark Meadows: (Putting a hand to his ear) “It sounds like a song by ‘The Doors’ Mr. President.”
Rudy Giuliani: “The who?”
M. Meadows: “Not ‘The Who,’ I said it is ‘The Doors.’”
D. Trump: “WHAT?”
M. Meadows: “Jim Morrison, sir. He is singing their mystical anthem called ‘The End.’”
R. Giuliani: “The who?”
M. Meadows: “Not ‘The Who’ Rudy, please pay attention.”
From the street, they can hear the late Rock singer offering poetic words in his distinctive voice. “This is the end… beautiful friend, the end...this is the end… my only friend, the end...”
D. Trump: (Angry) “This is not the end, believe me. Not the end of anything, this is the beginning, the fight is beginning. The fight when we win. All I do is win.”
M. Meadows: (Dejected) “Mr. President, Joe Biden has actually won this election...”
D. Trump: (Reddening) “SLEEPY JOE IS NOT A WINNER!”
R. Giuliani: (Shaking his head) “Don, you’ve got to find a path out of this. It’s over. Nobody but Newsmax is on your side. Even Fox News has jumped ship. It’s time to hit the links.”
D. Trump: (Sour) “That’s what I was doing when they reported the fake news about Biden winning. Believe me, Sleepy Joe, Creepy Joe, he doesn’t know how to win. He was never a winner.”
R. Giuliani: (Smiling) “Then it’s time to brush up on your golf game.”
M. Meadows: “Mr. President, leaders around the world are celebrating. They say that the American people have sent a message...”
Through the windows, music continues to resound. “This is the end… of our elaborate plans, the end… of everything that stands, the end… no safety or surprise, the end… I’ll never look into your eyes again...”
D. Trump: (Bowing his head) “Mark, that music is giving me a headache! Very bad, a bad ache in my head. I need a Diet Coke!”
M. Meadows: “I am not a waiter, Mr. President!”
D. Trump: (Frustrated) “What I really need is a better election team. Much, much better.”
R. Giuliani: “Don, we tried everything. They blocked us on Twitter, fact-checked us on Facebook. Wouldn’t investigate the Ukraine scandal with Hunter Biden. Even Rupert Murdoch got fatigued. Call it the Deep State, whatever you like. Sometimes, you have to just throw in the towel...”
D. Trump: (Exploding) “I DON’T THROW TOWELS, RUDY! I WAVE THEM LIKE THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS, WAVE, WAVE, WAVE, WIN SUPERBOWLS, WAVING TOWELS, WINNING, NOT THROWING TOWELS!”
M. Meadows: (Feeling stomach cramps) “Mr. President, we have to tell them something. The news outlets are waiting.”
D. Trump: (Feeling bitter) “LOSERS! FAKE NEWS!”
R. Giuliani: “Don, we are out of time. You have to make some hard choices, like I did on 9-11...”
D. Trump: (Defiant) “My legal team is suing to stop the steal, to stop this sham, this very bad treatment of me, I deserve better.”
M. Meadows: (Sickened) “Mr. President, you need to speak with the American people.”
D. Trump: “I NEED A DIET COKE!”
R. Giuliani: “Don, calm down. This race is over. The courts won’t help you now.”
Through the windows, more rhythmic poetry reverberates. “This is the end… can you picture what it will be...so limitless and free… desperately in need… of some stranger’s hand… in a desperate land.”
D. Trump: (In agony) “I won’t concede. That is for losers, I never lose, never. I only win, winning is what I do every day, winning for America, for our people, for the Republican Party, for my supporters.”
M. Meadows: “Sir, the ballots have been cast. Now they are being counted.”
R. Giuliani: “Like Joe Stalin was supposed to have said, ‘He who casts the ballots means nothing. He who counts the ballots means everything.’ Don, that’s it, that’s the race right there. You can’t keep fighting forever.”
M. Meadows: (Looking serious) “It’s over Mr. President.”
D. Trump: (Enraged) “IT IS NEVER, NEVER, NEVER OVER!”
R. Giuliani: “Don, the wolves are waiting in New York. You’d be better off leaving quietly. Say what you want, make a speech on the balcony like Mussolini if he had been smarter. Then get out. Go to Mar-a-Lago for awhile. Maybe pair up with Newsmax, start your own cable network. You can do your own show if you want. Bring Sean Hannity over from Fox News.”
M. Meadows: (Brightening) “That’s a great idea!”
D. Trump: (Stunned) “WHAT?”
R. Giuliani: “You’ve done a lot, Don. Think about it. Another four years would just be more fighting, more Russia, More North Korea, more impeachment. Let Biden sleepwalk through four years while you go back to being a television star. Kamala has her claws out for him, anyway. You’ll be better off on the air with your own messaging. No more Twitter flags, no more CNN critiques, no more horse poop from MSDNC...”
D. Trump: (Grinning) “My own network?”
M. Meadows: “Whatever it takes, sir.”
R. Giuliani: (Folding his hands) “Feed them a little cacare, Don. Let them have their concession. But then you come back stronger, roaring back. Haha!”
D. Trump: (Wide eyed) “That might just work!”
R. Giuliani: “Heyyy, you want a load of la merda? Okay good, I’ll get that for you. Then raise my fingers when I go prime time. Your ratings would go through the roof!”
D. Trump: (Cheering) “YES THEY WOULD!”
M. Meadows: (Relieved) “I think we have a plan at last!”
D. Trump: (Speaking into his intercom) “Secretary? Get me Christopher Ruddy at Newsmax. We’ve got to talk. I am about to add a new chapter to ‘The Art of the Deal!’”
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