Dad’s Whispers

 

From Facebook: Literally had tears streaming down my face while writing this... Where do these words come from? I can’t explain...

C.2020 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(11-20)

Light and airy
In my ears, today
A voice from yesterday
Yet close at hand
I remember that man
The one who painted my image
With his brush
Gave me a beginning
Colors on the canvas, bright
He framed my portrait in yonder days
With his own hope and faith
A spawn sent away
To grow and play
To read his books
Play the Martin guitar with his melodic hooks
Type on the old Underwood portable
My heart was full
Of love from his heart
A direct connection
Father to son
Vinyl artifacts
Songs in the grooves
I felt so moved
Spike Jones, Chuck Berry
B.B. King, the Carter Family
And Woody Guthrie
But in my teenage years
Overwhelmed by foibles and fears
Away I steered
Looking to the horizon
And a better version
Of who I wanted to be
I proclaimed “This is me!”
Wanted to find myself
Somewhere other than in his shadow
I ran across the meadow
Shouting oaths to set me free
Defiant words
A childish boast
A weak decree
A braggart, bold and brash
I was fed on trash
A foolish, feckless child
Too willing to trade my style
For a handful of weeds
Dad planted the seed
My ultimate ‘he’
His confidence slipped
Just for a moment
Mind to lips
“I can’t believe you’re my son!”
But of course I was
Though not so wise
As the man in my eyes
I was the offshoot
The bear, the wandering brute
With a fiddle and lute
Making melodies long after dark
Even when we fought
We were never apart
Every curse
Only increased his worth
Though I might have a thousand years
Still would I be in arrears
My yardstick
Measured tall
I failed him
From summer to fall
Could never measure up
God, take this cup
Let me flee the reflection
I see in the looking glass
Let this judgment pass
As a kid I complained
As a man, I felt his pain
Realized my guilt too late
As he went away
I watched him die
In a West Virginia nursing home
With my sister
And the staff
Too clever by half
Tears stained my cheeks
Yet I knew in my heart
That though his body had reached that point of surrender
He would never depart
From that day
His voice has echoed
Steady and comforting
Like the sound of a bell, ringing
When I feel lost and lonely
Dad is there with me
Speaking widely
“Son, you must believe!”
And I do
I do
Father, dear father
I am here because of you

Written on my iPhone SE