c.
2020 Rod Ice
All
rights reserved
(6-20)
The
Setting: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue; the Oval Office
The
Players: Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United
States; Mark Meadows, White House Chief of Staff; Rush Limbaugh, EIB
Network; Kayleigh McEnany, White House Press Secretary; Rudy
Giuliani, Counsel to the President
The
Story: After months of the Coronavirus pandemic and the horrific
death of George Floyd in Minneapolis, another police shooting and
death transpires in Atlanta.
Mark
Meadows: “Good morning, everyone!”
Kayleigh
McEnany: (Giggling) “Here I am, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed! I
love this job!”
Donald
Trump: “You look a lot better than Sarah Sanders. Believe me!”
Rudy
Giuliani: (Chortling) “It’s true, Don! She looks even better than
Stormy Daniels!”
M.
Meadows: Mr. President, could we get down to business? We have a lot
to discuss. And a call from Rush Limbaugh, in a few minutes...”
D.
Trump: (Rubbing his eyes) “I need my Diet Coke. Did you bring it?”
R.
Giuliani: “You’ve got a great kitchen staff here...”
M.
Meadows: (Miffed) “Sir, I am not a waiter!”
K.
McEnany: (Bubbly) “Just sparkling water for me, please!”
M.
Meadows: “Sir, this is a serious moment in America!”
R.
Giuliani: (Laughing) “I could go for a steak & eggs breakfast.”
M.
Meadows: (Looking tired) “Mr. President, on Saturday night more protests
exploded in Atlanta. There was another police shooting, and fatality.
A man named Rayshard Brooks died while running from officers at a
Wendy’s location. The building was later burned, and traffic on the
highway was blocked for over an hour.”
D.
Trump: (Serious) “They burned Wendy?”
M.
Meadows: “A Wendy’s location in Atlanta, Mr. President.”
K.
McEnany: (Brightening) “What should I say in my briefing? That the
media is actually causing these protests with too much coverage?”
D.
Trump: (Nodding) “I like that. Like it, like it very much.”
R.
Giuliani: (Fidgeting with his tie) “I’ll go on Fox News if you
want. Hannity has me on every few days. The guy is always hungry for
material. But never has any new ideas.”
D.
Trump: “I like that too.”
M.
Meadows: (Looking concerned) “Sir, this is a moment likely to be
set in history. The nation has a fever. America is sick of watching
black people die...”
R.
Giuliani: (Wide-eyed) “A fever? Wasn’t that Al Gore’s line?”
K.
McEnany: (Cheerful) “Can I use that in my next briefing?”
D.
Trump: (Serious) “So... they burned Wendy?”
M.
Meadows: “A Wendy’s location, sir. Yes. The shooting happened in
their parking lot.”
D.
Trump: (Unhappy) “America knows Wendy’s. They do, believe me.
Wendy is a redhead, I never trusted them, really. But she is known.
People know her.”
R.
Giuliani: “Yes they do.”
D.
Trump: (Shaking his head) “This is bad for Nervous Nancy, very bad.
People like Wendy a lot more than her. Much more. She makes
hamburgers.”
M.
Meadows: (Confused) “Sir, I think you are missing the point
here...”
K.
McEnany: (Smiling) “Should I say that Democrats are encouraging
protesters to attack little, red-haired girls?”
R.
Giuliani: (Laughs out loud)
D.
Trump: “I have always cared about women. Just like I care about
black people, my economy has helped them more than Obama, more than
any Democrat, much, much more.”
K.
McEnany: (Saluting) “I will definitely use that in my briefing!”
M.
Meadows: “Mr. President, things are spiraling out of control. The
Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone in Seattle is getting coverage every
day. There are marches for justice happening across the country. Many
feel you are disconnected from what is happening.”
D.
Trump: (Angry) “This is wartime. A war everywhere, lots of war. I
am a wartime president, like with the Coronavirus!”
R.
Giuliani: “War can be good, Don. If you win.”
K.
McEnany: (Chipper) “Should I mention the war? Or stick with Wendy?”
M.
Meadows: “Dammit, Kayleigh! This is serious!”
R.
Giuliani: “Come on, Mark. You’ll make her cry.”
D.
Trump: (Irritated) “I want to hear from Rush. Get him on the
speakerphone!”
M.
Meadows (Reaches for the button) “Are you there, Mr. Limbaugh?”
There
is a loud rustling of papers, followed by someone clearing his
throat.
Rush
Limbaugh: “TALENT ON LOAN FROM GODDD!”
D.
Trump: (Happy) “I like that, like it I do, believe me!”
R.
Limbaugh: “Donald, you’ve got an opportunity here. Don’t waste
it!”
R.
Giuliani: (Nodding) “I agree, Rush! Time to lay down the law like I
did in New York City!”
K.
McEnany: “Should I say that in my briefing?”
R.
Limbaugh: (Sounding confident) “Don, you’ve got an audience to
satisfy. Ratings matter, we both know that. People forget other
things, they forget being married over and over, they forget scandals
and horseplay, but they remember when you have the number one spot in
ratings.”
D.
Trump: (Showing interest) “I am always number one! Winning, every
day!”
R.
Limbaugh: “This thing with Wendy. Setting her burger joint on fire.
That got a lot of coverage last night. I watched it live. So did many
households in America. On Monday, it will be in my ‘stack of stuff’
for the radio show.”
K.
McEnany: (Grinning) “And mine for the next press briefing!”
R.
Limbaugh: “You’ve got to use that, Don. Put that out there, let
it resonate with voters. The Democrats want Wendy’s to burn. They
want America to burn. Hamburgers, apple pies, the flag, everything
that makes this a good and decent nation!”
D.
Trump: (Pounding his fist on the desk) “I knew you’d understand!”
R.
Limbaugh: “You can’t miss this moment in history.”
M.
Meadows: “The unaddressed cause of attaining racial justice in America?”
R.
Limbaugh: (Laughing) ”Nooooo… the opportunity to paint these
protests as an attack on old-fashioned values… and old-fashioned
hamburgers, like the ones at Wendy’s!”
D.
Trump: “THAT’S IT! TRUST ME!”
M.
Meadows: (Frustrated) “Mr. President, I think you’ve missed the
point here...”
D.
Trump: (Elated) “Nonsense, Mark! Rush is right! You get Wendy on
the phone. We’re going to make her an official partner of my
campaign. A partner, more than a partner. A spokesman, a spokesgirl
really.”
M.
Meadows: (Dejected) “Sir, the company is actually owned by...”
D.
Trump: “GET ME WENDY! AND A DIET COKE!”
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