“My Pillow Guy”

c. 2020 Rod Ice

All rights reserved

(4-20)

The Setting: Washington, D. C., 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, the Oval Office.

The Players: Donald J. Trump, 45^th President of the United States; Mark Meadows, White House Chief of Staff; Rudy Giuliani, counsel to the president.

Mark Meadows: “Good morning, Mister President.”

Donald Trump: “Mark, did you bring me a Coke?”

M. Meadows: (Flustered) “What??”

D. Trump: “A Coke! Mick Mulvaney always brought me a Coke. And those cheese crackers if I wanted them, very cheesy crackers. Crispy and cheesy.”

M. Meadows: “Sir, I am not a waiter, I am chief of staff...”

D. Trump: “Mick never got uptight about bringing me a Coke.”

M. Meadows: “Sir, we have important issues to discuss. The Coronavirus is ravaging America. But citizens are restless, they want you to lift social distancing. This may open us up to a second wave of viral infections...”

D. Trump: “You sound like that woman in Michigan. Gretchen Whitmer. Very sad!”

M. Meadows: “I have Rudy Giuliani waiting in the hallway. He has some ideas for the fall election...”

D. Trump: “Rudy! Bring him in here.”

M. Meadows: (Speaks into the intercom system) “Send in the former New York City mayor, please.”

Rudy Giuliani: (Brusque and bombastic) “Don! Good morning, old friend!”

D. Trump: “I am President Trump, to you and everyone! Rudy, you were supposed to get things moving with the investigation of Sleepy Joe’s son, but that didn’t pan out. What gives?”

R. Giuliani: “Sorry, Don. Nobody bit on the Burisma Holdings story except Fox News.”

M. Meadows: “What can we do for November?”

R. Giuliani: “Tara Reade has a tale to tell. About being assaulted by Joe Biden. I say we let that percolate for awhile.”

M. Meadows: “Sir, with all due respect, we need more leadership on the Coronavirus.”

D. Trump: “I am letting the governors decide when to reopen, they wanted leadership, I know leadership, I have been a leader in business.”

M. Meadows: “You were on Twitter, firing up the protesters against our lockdown, sir. I would not call that leadership.”

D. Trump: “This is America, Mark. We do things in America, big things. We think bigly. Very big! A leader thinks big. I think big.”

R. Giuliani: “Be careful, Don. What if some of those protesters have COVID-19?”

D. Trump: “What they have is patriotic spirit. A lot of spirit.”

M. Meadows: “Governor Cuomo has been pleading for federal help on testing, sir.”

D. Trump: “Why should I help when he is bashing me? Bashing terribly, I think, treating me badly. Very badly.”

M. Meadows: “We need a plan for the fall, sir.”

R. Giuliani: “Don, I think you should reach out once more to Mike Lindell. The ‘My Pillow Guy.’ He has what we need. Americans know him and love his products.”

M. Meadows: (Wide-eyed) “The creepy guy looking through a medicine cabinet?”

D. Trump: “MPG! My Pillow Guy!”

R. Giuliani: (Grinning) “He has what we need. He’s making masks right now instead of stuffing pillows. That’s the spirit Americans will support when voting in November!”

M. Meadows: (Out of breath) “I’ll say it again, sir, we need a plan.”

D. Trump: “I like Lindell. He gets the Evangelical vote, a loyal vote. Very loyal.”

R. Giuliani: “They love that guy!”

M. Meadows: (Red-faced) “Sir, you need to build a broad coalition of voters to win. Joe Biden has support across the political spectrum.”

D. Trump: “America knows MPG and knows his pillows. His sheets too, very good sheets, actually. Very good. Comfy sheets.”

M. Meadows: “The governors of California, New York, Illinois, and Michigan are all concerned about keeping their states safe. You need to show real leadership, going forward.”

D. Trump: (Defiant) “I care about freedom, being free, really free. We’ve got to get this economy going again, Democrats want everything shut down, want the economy down, want the whole country down. Americans don’t want that at all.”

M. Meadows: (Befuddled) “Sir, Americans want to live. They want their loved ones to be safe.”

R. Giuliani: “My Pillow Guy knows safe.”

D. Trump: (Laughing) “Safe in bed with a good pillow. A great pillow, really, very great.”

M. Meadows: (Covering his face) “Yes, sir.”

R. Giuliani: “He’ll be in your commercials. He’ll come to your events. He’ll do a livestream from the factory in Minnesota if that’s what you want, Don. Whatever you want.”

D. Trump: (Brightening) “Great pillows, and keeping America great.”

M. Meadows: (Slumping in his chair) “Yes sir.”

D. Trump: “You call MPG and get him here, get him back to Washington. We have a lot to do. He is making masks, more masks, lots of masks. Masks instead of pillows. You can’t wear a pillow on your face. We need masks. I don’t need one, meeting foreign leaders, but other people do, they really do, they need masks.”

R. Giuliani: “Mike cares about this country.”

M. Meadows: (Shaking his head) “We all do, Mister President.”

D. Trump: (Angry) “I think you have to care a little bit more to make a pillow. The pillow has to be soft, very soft. You have to care that it’s soft. A lot of caring. No caring means no sleep. No caring means a bad America. Not a winning America. We want to win, every day.”

R. Giuliani: (Cheering) “WINNING EVERY DAY!”

M. Meadows: (Broken) “Every day.”

D. Trump: “Call MPG and have him come to Washington again. He believes in God, tell him God called him here, called him to help my campaign. He’ll like that, a call from God. I need someone to help America see my leadership was quality leadership, good leadership. Call him now.”

M. Meadows: (Bowing his head) “Yes sir.”

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