“Twins”

c. 2019 Rod Ice

All rights reserved

(8-19)

The Setting: Washington, D. C., in the Oval Office.

The Players: Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States; Mick Mulvaney, White House Chief of Staff.

Mick Mulvaney - “Good morning, Mr. President.”

Donald Trump – (Watching ‘Fox & Friends’ on the Fox News Channel) “I don’t understand what happened with these guys, it is sad. Very sad! Running polls against me, very sad, polls from CNN maybe, who trusts them? Very, very sad. I don’t trust the polls.”

M. Mulvaney - “Mr. President, I want to talk about something worse than bad coverage with you this morning...”

D. Trump – (Raising an eyebrow) “Worse than bad? How bad is that? More bad than bad?”

M. Mulvaney - “We have a bigger problem than negative coverage this morning. A much bigger problem.”

D. Trump - “Fox News going against me is HUUUUGE! Believe me, it doesn’t happen. Doesn’t happen much, not much. But now it does...”

M. Mulvaney – (Sweating) “Mr. President, this morning we have a bigger problem than polls or Fox News. You have… disappeared from the news cycle, completely.”

D. Trump – (Looking baffled) “DISAPPEARED?”

M. Mulvaney - “That’s right, sir. Disappeared.”

D. Trump – (Adjusting his overly-long, red tie) “Hillary Clinton disappeared. Gone. Poof! Just gone. Nobody talks about her anymore. I didn’t disappear. Not me.”

M. Mulvaney – (Looking concerned) “Sir, I just watched the first half hour of the CBS Morning News. You were not mentioned once.”

D. Trump – (Laughing) “What? You missed it, Mick, you must have gone for coffee. Maybe a bagel or a cupcake or something. Do you like cupcakes for breakfast?”

M. Mulvaney - “Mr. President, I never left the television. They went 30 minutes and never talked about you. Not a word. Gayle King reported about the Amazon rainforest burning. Dana Jacobson read a tribute to Jessi Combs, known as ‘The Fastest Woman On Four Wheels.’ And there was a segment on Boris Johnson, now the Prime Minister of England.”

D. Trump - “I’m telling you, they mentioned me. They always do, always. You got a bagel with cream cheese, right?”

M. Mulvaney - “I did not, sir.”

D. Trump - “I am in their head, like Rush Limbaugh says. Living rent-free. Winning. Living and winning.”

M. Mulvaney - “No sir, not this morning. They never mentioned you.”

D. Trump – (Exasperated) “Boris Johnson got mentioned? What kind of name is that? Boris? Like the guy that did ‘Monster Mash?’ Really? Boris?”

M. Mulvaney - “Mr. President, we have reached a watershed moment here. Even before you were elected, CNN, MSNBC, they all have talked about you. The New York Times talked about you, incessantly. But this morning, it all seems to have come to an end.”

D. Trump – (Turning red) “Look, they love me, secretly. They love me but they can’t say they love me. But they love me. I get ratings! RATINGS! I get them viewers, people watching, people watching them talk badly about me, very badly. Saying bad things, terrible things. I get them ratings and they know it, they all know it. Huge ratings!”

M. Mulvaney - “Sir, we need to be aware that this free ride could be over.”

D. Trump – (Angry) “This is like the economy tanking, they say, fake news more fake than ever, saying the economy is tanking when they know that is completely fake! Completely! Fake! We are winning bigly, I am pounding on China, I am winning more than ever!”

M. Mulvaney - “Mr. President, they never mentioned China. They never mentioned you.”

D. Trump - “Greenland? They talked about me wanting to buy Greenland?”

M. Mulvaney – (Embarrassed) “That lasted one day, sir. It barely went 24 hours in the news cycle.”

D. Trump – (Turning cold) “Pelosi? Those horrible ladies from ‘The Squad?’ Horrible ladies! They won’t shut up, they talk and talk and talk, lots of Democrats talk about me every day...”

M. Mulvaney – (Bowing his head) “A full 30 minutes on CBS. Not one word about you, positive or negative. Not one.”

D. Trump - “I always get the negative. Always. From the failing New York Times, from phony ‘Morning Joe’ and from everybody. From everybody except Fox News and now they are slipping, I don’t know why they are slipping.”

M. Mulvaney - “Half an hour, sir. Not one mention of you.”

D. Trump - “But they talked about Boris? A guy named Boris? Really, a guy with that name? A name from an old monster movie, Boris? That name?”

M. Mulvaney - “Yes.”

D. Trump - “Boris Johnson. What a name!”

M. Mulvaney – (Shaking his head) “Mr. Johnson has proven to be very aggressive. He is determined to make Brexit happen. He has asked the Queen to prorogue parliament. To suspend the session for five weeks.”

D. Trump - “Pro-whatsis?”

M. Mulvaney - “Prorogue, sir. To shut down parliament for a period of time. The target date of October 31^st is fast approaching. Britain will leave the European Union on that date.”

D. Trump - “Boris… wants to shut down the government… to shut down their parliament...”

M. Mulvaney - “Yes.”

D. Trump - “Could I do that here? Stop Pelosi from standing in my way? Could I stop Nancy, and stop those ladies from ‘The Squad?’ Stop them right here and stop them right now?”

M. Mulvaney - “Our government does not work that way, sir.”

D. Trump - “Boris, you know he has a funny name but I like him. I like him a lot. He has style. Look at his hair, crazy style, I like his style.”

M. Mulvaney - “Sir, you can’t shut down Congress.”

D. Trump - “They talked about Boris on the CBS Morning News. You said they talked about him. Not me. Just him. Maybe that is what I need, like when you are doing a show and you need more talent. Like building a team for more ratings. Like on ‘The Apprentice’ when I had a panel there with me, more people. Maybe I need Boris, funny name but the guy can shut down parliament and get things done.”

M. Mulvaney - (Aghast) “Mr. President, please!”

D. Trump - “I need a summit with Boris. That would be bigger than seeing Putin, bigger than seeing Kim Jong Un. It would be huuuuuuge! Funny guy, funny name. But he gets things done!”

M. Mulvaney – (Sighing heavily) “Yes, Mr. President. I will make some phone calls this morning...”

D. Trump – (Looking triumphant) “Get me Boris Johnson!”

M. Mulvaney – (Deflated and beaten) “Yes, sir. Right away.”

D. Trump - “The guy who can make Britain great again can help me get elected again! Funny name but I love that guy!”

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