“Cars: 2019”

c. 2019 Rod Ice

All rights reserved

(3-19)

The Setting: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. ‘Oval Office’ boardroom & headquarters of Donald J. Trump, 45^th President of the United States.

The Participants: Rolf Sprtizer, Concerned Cable News correspondent. Mr. Trump, General Motors, Fiatto T. Chrysler, Henry Ford XVI, Nicky Tesla.

Rolf Spritzer: “Welcome to CCN viewers around the globe. Tonight we are live in Washington, D. C. with the captains of America’s auto industry! We bring you news, information and views you can use!”

Donald Trump: “Welcome to our meeting. I am glad everyone could attend today. Really glad. Very much glad about you attending. Glad you could attend to talk about our automotive manufacturing.”

General Motors: “Ten hut! It is a privilege, sir! MAGA!”

Henry Ford XVI: “You only talk like that because government money kept you from begging in the street.”

Fiatto Chrysler: “Ciao, Donald! Haha, I gotta agree with Henry. General Mo would be homeless without the bailout money. Fuggedaboutit!”

G. Motors: “At ease, pilgrim! You’re talking nonsense. Besides, Chrysler, you got plenty of lira in that deal. Don’t pretend it never happened!”

Ford XVI: “He’s right about that!”

F. Chrysler: “Heyy, I gonna knock you in the head. You talk too much!”

D. J. Trump: “Let’s get back on track here. We want to be on track. Really on track.”

Nicky Tesla: “You guys are word hogs. Can I get a chance to speak?”

(Silence fills the Oval Office.)

G. Motors: “Who is this soldier? I don’t remember him wearing the uniform before!”

Ford XVI: “I agree. Tesla? Wasn’t that a band in the days of 80’s Hair Metal?”

F. Chrysler: “Hey heyy, you make a good joke there!”

N. Tesla: “I am a real automaker! I deserve a seat at this table.”

(The group bursts into a fit of laughter.)

F. Chrysler: “Pipe down. You here with us, be grateful, already!”

G. Motors: “Mr. President, I want to salute your leadership on the issue of bringing jobs back to America...”

Ford XVI: “Here he goes, kissing ass again.”

N. Tesla: “If you had better ideas, you wouldn’t have to kiss ass.”

G. Motors: “Hey, grunt! You’ll be peeling potatoes for a month! Better shut your trap!”

F. Chrysler: “Bada bing! He’s right, General. You no have good ideas. You have a Silverado four-cylinder that gets worse gas mileage than the V-8! Heyy, how you do that??”

D. J. Trump: “Fake news!”

Ford XVI: “Nah, it was in a story by Eric C. Evarts, in Green Car Reports. Look it up, sir.”

F. Chrysler: “Hahaha, that’s what the bailout got you? Give me billions, I bring you a better return. You get a nice Jeep. Guarantee!”

D. J. Trump: “Anyway, the bailout was before I won the White House. A big, big win! Huuuuge!”

N. Tesla: “He’s right about that...”

G. Motors: “Never mind that, soldier. We are bringing jobs back for you, Mr. President. MAGA!”

Ford XVI: “Actually, you just put a lot of people out of work, by closing the plant at Lordstown, Ohio. Your new Blazer is slated to be built south of the border. Was that ‘Make Mexico Great Again?’”

N. Tesla: “If you want a wall, Mr. President, maybe it should be one that stops our companies from shipping jobs to foreign countries...”

D. J. Trump: “Your attitude is sad, Just sad!”

Ford XVI: “I have no trouble building vehicles right here in the USA!”

G. Motors: “Hah! Get in line, pilgrim. All you make are SUVs and trucks!”

Ford XVI: “That’s all people are buying. SUVs and trucks.”

F. Chrysler: “Hoo boy, it’s true I tell you. I can’t give away anything but my Jeeps and Ram trucks. Maybe some minivans for the Soccer Moms. Heyyy!”

N. Tesla: “The smart money is on what I make!”

(Laughter echoes once again.)

D. J. Trump: “Anyway, the economy is doing really well. Really, really well. That is why I asked all of you to attend this meeting. We are doing really well and I wanted your ideas on how to keep booming. I really think we are booming in America.”

Ford XVI: “I don’t know. If the General keeps laying off workers here and in Canada, there won’t be anybody left with a job to afford one of his cars.”

G. Motors: “Wash that mouth out with soap, grunt! I’ll have you doing a five-mile hike for talk like that!”

F. Chrysler: “Heyy, you testy today. Who pee in your Cheerios, General?”

N. Tesla: “When enough drivers think about the environment, you’ll all be out of work.”

D. J. Trump: “It’s a hoax! More fake news!”

Ford XVI: “Nicky has a point. We are all working on electric vehicles.”

F. Chrysler: “Heyy, you can charge your Dodge Charger. Hahaha!”

G. Motors: “We’re working on that, too, soldier!”

D. J. Trump: “However you slice it, the jobs are rolling back into America. Rolling. Rolling, rolling. So many jobs. We are winning. Every day.”

G. Motors: “I am proud to salute you. Commander in Chief!”

F. Chrysler: “There you go, kissing more butt.”

N. Tesla: “I am proud to be ahead of the curve!”

G. Motors: “Out front of your curve, grunt? I’d say that was my Chevy Volt!”

Ford XVI: “Yeah, for 38 miles. Then it’s either gas like a regular car or plug it in somewhere. Woo hoo.”

F. Chrysler: “Whaaat, that don’t make me yell for more. Who wants to buy a rig like that?”

N. Tesla: “Nobody. That’s why production ended in February.”

G. Motors: “Drop and give me 20 push-ups, soldier!”

F. Chrysler: “Kiss my culo, idiota!”

Ford XVI: “Better luck next time, General.”

G. Motors: “Keep your helmet on! Now I got the Chevy Bolt. With EPA estimated 238 miles on a charge. Run that up your flagpole.”

Ford XVI: “Adjusted for weather conditions, wind, loaded weight or driving uphill...”

F. Chrysler: “Heyyy, what comes after that? The Chevy Dolt? You are being a joker.”

N. Tesla: “I own the electric market. Who would you trust? Me or General M. and the old guard?”

D. J. Trump: “I trust the American people. Legal people. People here legally. My people. Whatever kind of car they drive...”

(A loud argument ensues with everyone around the desk.)

Rolf Spritzer: (Interrupting) “Thank you to our viewers from coast to coast and around the world. This is Concerned Cable News, information and views you can use!”

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