“Dad Whispers”

c. 2019 Rod Ice

All rights reserved

(1-19)

Alone.

Since my father passed away in April of last year, I have often felt isolated when facing life events of a consequential nature. In need of counsel. Weak when operating by myself. I used to rely on his sober reflections not only for guidance, but also for comfort. Yet as the months have passed, a new routine has developed. I hear him whispering in my ear. Often, as he did while alive, urging me to do things I would rather avoid. Things that truly needed to be done.

When struggling over several months to secure Medicaid funding for my mother, desperation often seemed to be winning the battle. But I could hear his voice. “Oh ye of little faith! Do what is right and believe in the outcome.” In the end, she was safe and protected.

His estate had no value. But bill collectors came quickly. I trembled as executor, fretting over details that could not be avoided. Utility bills for the house. Hospital bills not satisfied through insurance. Credit cards unpaid. Funeral costs. But again, the final result was satisfactory.

“You must believe,” he would say. “Trust the road map.”

My own health was challenged by many trips out-of-state to handle the family needs he left behind. As a worrier, I speculated ‘what if’ too frequently. My mobility had dwindled, causing early retirement at 55. Fatigue and poor vision joined other concerns to limit my activity. I could barely walk. So how would it be possible to clear the family homestead? But, with the aid of my sister and family, everything was handled. The personal failure that I feared never transpired.

“Believe,” he would say again.

More recently, the plight of a family member for whom he had co-signed made him whisper, again. As I watched this relative trying to wriggle free of student loan debt, his advice filled my ears. As before, I wanted to defer the challenge to others. Yet he remained persistent. Finally, I composed a letter. A review of my own financial woes was a backdrop for the message. Included were sage observations interpreted on his behalf:

“I visited the family yesterday. While I was there, your loan company called twice. Of course, no one answered and they simply allowed the recorded message to respond. But, we discussed the situation and agreed that perhaps I should send a note to you. Since my father can't offer advice, I would like to pass along what I think he would say.

Simply, ‘Talk to them.’

When I had financial problems during my second marriage, he gave me this advice repeatedly. He pushed me to negotiate all of my outstanding debts, individually. Communication, he said, was key. He knew a lot, having had money issues for most of his life. Since owning a failed motorcycle shop in the 1950's. For several years in the 70's and 80's he owed back taxes to the IRS and was so open and cooperative that he was ruled unable to pay. They left him alone until it could be covered.

In personal terms, I negotiated unpaid debt on 11 credit cards, my home, my pickup truck and my CPAP machine which was $1400 because I had lost insurance coverage. Dad made me do this as a condition of his help.

Your situation is actually a lot more simple. You are in a common spot, there are many people of your age owing student debt and not earning enough to cover the cost. You also have a family to support. All of this would be taken into account. There are lots of options that they would discuss with you.

By ignoring their attempts for contact, it guarantees that if you are sued and taken to court, and the loan company seeks wage garnishment from your paychecks, part of the evidence will be that you avoided working to solve the issue. Every call and letter will be listed. That won't help you with the judge. What would help is a sincere attempt to work things out in a timely manner.

I can hear Dad saying these words as I write them on his old computer.

You have done nothing wrong and contacting them will make that clear. Avoiding their calls and letters only has you looking like someone not interested in satisfying the loan agreement. Evasive. Not acting in good faith.

As my father would say: ‘This will end at some point.’ If asked, he would urge you to make the choice to end it on your terms rather than waiting for the judge to end it on theirs.”

A response wasn’t expected, or needed. But at last, the whispering in my ear abated. I had channeled the wisdom of my progenitor into useful text. And passed it along as he did to me on so many occasions.

That was enough.

Comments about ‘Words On The Loose’ may be sent to: icewritesforyou@gmail.com

Write us at: P. O. Box 365 Chardon, OH 44024