c.
2013 Rod Ice
All
rights reserved
(12-13)
Note
To Readers: What follows here is an installment of my old ‘Thoughts
At Large’ column from the Geauga County Maple Leaf.
For
a lyricist and professional writer, the holiday season offers a time
to tap inspiration from traditional themes. In particular, Yuletide
carols evoke seasonal cheer.
A
few years ago, I composed liner notes for the Davie Allan recording
“Fuzz for the Holidays 2.” It was a fantastic opportunity to
write while drawing energy both from King Fuzz himself and the
seasonal tunes that have become so familiar to everyone.
Regular
readers of this column will know that Allan and I have enjoyed a
long-distance friendship that has endured since the 90’s.
Beyond
such efforts as a critic and scribe in the music realm, it has also
been tempting to modernize old Xmas chestnuts with a bit of modern
flair. So recently, during an evening spent doing pre-holiday
household chores, I found time to reflect on these familiar hymns and
recreate some of them, anew.
The
results were unpredictable, like an essay from MAD Magazine in yonder
days:
JINGLE
BELLS
Dashing
through the snow
In
a bailout Chevrolet
Stimulus
is gone
Don’t
need it, anyway
Wintertime
is here
I
shovel snow for cash
Then
work at Walmart, stocking shelves
And
taking out the trash
(Oh)
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle
through the night
The
only things that keep me sane
Are
wings and Miller Lite
Jingle
bells, jingle bells
Jingle
down the street
Can’t
afford to move away
From
freezing rain and sleet
Though
one might have expected an inclination toward traditional emotions of
joy and peace, it seemed just as easy to lean the toward real-world
challenges faced by blue-collar families. Again, a vibe of William
Maxwell Gaines, publisher of E.C. Comics, and later MAD, took hold:
MERRY
CHRISTMAS TO YOU
Water
boiling on a propane fire
Satellite
dish is on the blink
Stockings
hung on the entertainment center with care
Santa
is coming here, I think
Neighbor
has a new Korean car
Can’t
afford much without a check
Walking
around with holes in my shoes
Merry
Christmas, to you
Eventually,
the holiday spirit took hold and I was truly inspired to write. Words
began to flow with the energy of bygone days spent celebrating the
season. I opened my mind and the prose was plentiful. Rhyme and
rhythm filled my head:
RUDOLPH
THE REDNECK REINDEER
Rudolph,
the redneck reindeer
Got
around with four-wheel drive
He
had a trusty GPS
Just
to help him in the night
All
of the other reindeer
Use
to laugh and call him names
They
wouldn’t let poor Rudolph
Join
their Xbox real-time games
Then
one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa’s
truck went down
He
said “With your nose for maps,
you’re
way better than Google apps!”
Then
how the reindeer loved him
As
they shouted with a wail
Rudolph
the redneck reindeer
Help
us find a Christmas ale!
I
couldn’t help remembering a Christmas season from almost thirty
years ago. While working at Fisher’s Big Wheel on Water Street in
Chardon, I struggled to afford gifts for family and friends. My
shopping routine happened on payday, right before Santa was scheduled
to arrive. Though my basket of presents was humble, I truly felt the
holiday spirit in my heart.
In
modern times, my own perspective on the season was colored in hues of
realism rather than childhood fantasies. Yet a reason to believe
remained:
SILENT
NIGHT
Silent
night, powerless night
Electricity
is out, nothing is bright
In
the country nobody cares
They
won’t hurry to make our repairs
Sleep
in your frosty bedroom
Sleep
in your frosty bedroom
Silent
night, powerless night
Eating
supper by candlelight
Charge
my cellphone in the car
Generator
at the neighborhood bar
Sleep
in a jacket and hat
Sleep
in a jacket and hat
Silent
Night, powerless night
Network
fail, with gifts on sale
Can’t
do Amazon with no wi-fi
Tonight
I feel like an unlucky guy
Thank
goodness for the flashlight app
Thank
goodness for the flashlight app
Another
powerful Christmas memory finished my day of rewriting Christmas
carols. It was of a year when I filled the bed of my F-150 pickup
truck with gifts for the family. Very different from today’s
new-age drive through the paradigm of ‘big brother’ keeping
watch:
SANTA
CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN
He’s
making a file
Of
the Excel kind
He’s
going to keep track
Of
who stepped out of line
NSA
Claus is watching your town
He’s
backing up
A
big data file
To
make sure that
He
can prove it on trial
NSA
Claus is coming to town
He
sees you when you’re sleeping
He
knows what sites you surf
He’ll
follow every move you make
Till
you’re stretched out in the turf
You
better not pout
You
better not cry
Your
big red brother has
bionic
eyes
Santa
Claus is coming to town
Comments
about Thoughts At Large may be sent to: icewritesforyou@gmail.com
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