“Words On The Loose”

c. 2008 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(1-08)

Prescript: What follows here is a column from my old ‘Thoughts At Large’ series written for the Geauga County Maple Leaf newspaper, in January of 2008.

Note to Readers: The following manuscript contains several words that may not actually be part of the English language. Discretion is advised when perusing this feature. In the event of a brain-freeze, consult your local librarian for advice and assistance.

Words are the currency of professional writing. It is impossible to pursue the craft without having a fondness for language, itself. Yet in journalism, the roster of terms is always changing. Elements used here continually evolve over time. So the commitment to self-education must endure. What the author scribbles today may be seen in a different light by future generations. Therefore, a balance is required between maintaining traditional verbiage and embracing bursts of hip lingo. Care and insight may help keep the scales level. Good instincts will make the result a pleasure to read.

This is the profession – to get the most from rowdy words on the loose.

Such thoughts were present recently, as I read a message from my father. We often trade notes and notions while browsing for untapped ideas. The shared quest keeps us focused on a similar goal – translating stories from imagination into hard text.

Last week, he offered information about a variety of subjects. The range was broad, including science fiction, folk music, pulp magazines, automotive design, and theology. But the most intriguing tidbit was about groups dedicated to charting the progress of linguistic evolution.

Words for a wordsmith. It seemed undeniably appropriate!

His useful message opened a thoughtstream ripe with potential. From the first entry, there was magic at work. I began to discover creative new words that were battling for genuine public acceptance. Typically, the worlds of business and politics have been rich with manufactured jargon. But these sources offered more. There were urban references, media blurbs, techno-shorthand, and youthspeak.

My journey as a wordsmithing detective had begun:

From: GLM – The Global Language Monitor

Smirting – The new-found art of flirting while being banished outside a building for smoking.

Ideating – Latest in a long line of verbalisms: the descendent of concepting and efforting.

Amigoization -- Increasing Hispanic influence in California, the Southwest and into the Heartland.

Menaissance – A resurgent ‘manliness’ culture or politically-correct male renaissance.

Crunk: A Southern variation of hip-hop music; also meaning fun or amped.

I paused over the last term on this list. It was strangely familiar… even to someone far removed from the edgy coolness of metropolitan culture like myself. But, for what reason? Then, I remembered that it was once a generic, fictitious expletive used on ‘Late Night with Conan O’Brien’ to avoid offending NBC censors.
A deep breath restored my resolve.

Further reading revealed more embryonic words seeking recognition. Each offered insight into the expanding nature of our cultural consciousness. In an age governed by slower forms of communication, these changes might have taken generations to witness. Yet the lightning speed of Information-Age technologies has made such actions nearly instantaneous:

From: Word Spy / Paul Mc Fedries

Affluenza - A social condition arising from the desire to be more wealthy, successful or to ‘Keep up with the Joneses.’

Agonism - An argument or debate in which the opponents use knee-jerk aggression instead of reasoned analysis.

Al Desko – Eating lunch at your desk to save time; dining ‘Al Desko.’

Actorvist - An actor who is also an activist.

Alcopop – Sweetly flavored alcoholic beverages.

Andropause – Male menopause; also characterized as a ‘mid-life crisis.’

Gotcha Day - The anniversary of the day on which a child was adopted.

Push Present - An expensive gift given to a woman by her husband in appreciation for having recently given birth.

Lifestreaming - An online record of a person's daily activities, either via direct video feed or via aggregating the person's online content such as blog posts, social network updates, and online photos.

Upcycling - A process that takes used or recycled materials and creates a new product with a higher quality or value than the original materials.

My collection of improvised verbalities was momentarily satisfying. But the page left me feeling unfulfilled. I needed to conclude the exercise in a more personal sense. These colorful bits of vernacular were precious for today. But would they survive the next wave of conversational editing?

Finally, inspiration took hold. The result was a flood of words that came more quickly than expected. It was my own interpretation of New-Century speech:

From: The Icehouse

Flappervate – To talk incessantly to the point of hyperventilation.

Titanic Seating – Membership in group failure.

Bottle Drool – The last drop of a beverage still left inside, when finished.

Plasticize – To buy with a credit card.

Friendsurf – Checking out someone’s buddy list for potential matches on MySpace.

Sideshuffle – Reassigning unproductive managers as a disciplinary tool.

Aggratize – To make someone upset or aggravated.

Mug Alert – At a party, keeping track of your guests drinking needs.

Spudderific – Having the characteristics of mainstream, midwestern life.

Gone Crispy – Worn out; tired; exhausted.

Agnostelytize – Spreading the doctrine of non-belief.

Plectrum Meister – A skilled player of guitar or other stringed instruments.

Groovage – The amount of music on a vinyl record; the amount of music on a compact disc or in an audio file.

Crabaceous – Complaining constantly.

Golden Shovel – Excellence in the ability to spread bullwaste.

Tailhead – A backward thinker.

Meterblind – Unable to read and understand evidence.

Excremental Logic – Poor reasoning.

Superiority Complex – Misguided notion of being better than others.

Pedal Forward – To take action aggressively, or with zeal.

Whratty – A whining child; one who acts like a wining brat.

Fry King / Fry Queen – An immature teenager employed in fast food retailing.

Telebot – A person addicted to watching television.

Guitarista – One obsessed with guitars.

Threevianity – A belief that the late Dale Earnhardt will one day come back to life.

Full-Case Abs – Flaccid abdominal musculature developed by drinking lots of beer.

Bricked Up – Overinflated; stiff.

NASBAR – A tavern frequented by blue-collar patrons.

Shredpacker – A smoker who makes their own cigarettes to save money.

Pump Splitter – A person who fills more than one vehicle at a time to extend their gasoline discounts.

It was late on a weekend night when I finished writing the list. Peaceful silence had taken hold with the darkness. Everyone else lay reveling in slumber. My neglected mug of coffee had gone lukewarm with disinterest. But a glow of success offered comfort. In solitude, I had finished the task.

My contribution to our national lexicon was complete!

After proofreading the document, I sent it to my father, with a note of gratitude. Somehow, I knew that before long, he would be working on a list of his own…

At last, I had earned the right to occupy my slab of bedspace until daybreak. Another day at the Icehouse home office was complete.

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