“Mom Care”

c. 2018 Rod Ice

All rights reserved

(9-18)

Details.

After my father passed away in April, my first duty as a surviving child was to see to her needs, both legally and financially. Being gifted in the art of conversation, she adapted well to the flow of life in her nursing home. But my part of the equation was less successful in nature. As I contacted one institution after another, a pattern of denial and disbelief developed. The devil truly was evident in every detail that needed attention.

One recent interaction over updating her address for a healthcare policy provided an example:

U Care Plus: “Hello! U Care Plus. We care because you care. How may I help you?”

Me: “I am calling in regard to your letter about my mother, Gwendolyn.”

U Care Plus: “Sir, regarding policy matters, she needs to place this call, herself.”

Me: “My mother is in the Garfield Place nursing home. My father passed away in April...”

U Care Plus: “I am sorry for your loss.”

Me: “Thank you. My mother is not able to handle her personal affairs so I am her conservator. My name is Rodney, I am her oldest son.”

U Care Plus: “Your mom can’t use a telephone? My daughter can use a telephone and she is six years old.”

Me: “My mother has senile dementia. Do you understand?”

U Care Plus: “I am sorry.”

Me: “Thank you. I am not seeking to make any changes to her insurance policy. I simply want to update her address. I sent in a change-of-address form and you responded with a denial letter.”

U Care Plus: “Your mother must sign the form.”

Me: “She has senile dementia, did you hear me before? Mom scribbles like a kid with a crayon.”

U Care Plus: “Sir, you must have your mother sign the form to change her address.”

Me: “Look, you are sending her mail to the house in west Virginia where she lived with my father. The post office forwards all their mail to me in Ohio. I just wanted to streamline the process.”

U Care Plus: “How did you get a form to change her address?”

Me: “You sent it to her and it was forwarded to me… do you understand?”

U Care Plus: “I will have to speak to my supervisor.”

(About ten minutes elapse before she returns.)

U Care Plus: “Thanks for your patience. Mister Ice, as I said before, you need to have your mother sign the form and submit it to our office.”

Me: (Frustrated) “At P. O. Box 5555?”

U Care Plus: “How did you get this information?”

Me: “You sent it here after I tried to update my mother’s address.”

U Care Plus: “We sent it?”

Me: “Yes.”

U Care Plus: “We only send information to policyholders, sir.”

Me: “That’s right. I get her mail because I am her conservator by court appointment in Barbour County, West Virginia.”

U Care Plus: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Dad died in April and he had been caring for her over the past few years.”

U Care Plus: “I am sorry for your loss.”

Me: “Yes, thank you. I now have the legal responsibility of making decisions for my mom. I figured it would be easier if you simply sent her mail directly to me in Ohio.”

U Care Plus: “Sir, the policyholder must sign any documents regarding their policy.”

Me: “Two words for you. SENILE DEMENTIA.”

U Care Plus: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Could you just send a second copy of her statements to my address?”

U Care Plus: “I have never had such a request.”

Me: “Well, could you?”

U Care Plus: “I will have to speak to my supervisor.”

(About ten more minutes pass before she returns to the line.)

U Care Plus: “Thanks for your patience. Mister Ice, I am unable to duplicate forms out of this office.”

Me: “Look, I get the mail anyway, this just seemed like a better solution.”

U Care Plus: “If you would speak to your mother regarding her policy and have her call us, we could be of more help.”

Me: “Mom thinks it is the 1940’s and she is going to school at Parkersburg High.”

U Care Plus: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Mom is 87 years old. I was appointed as her conservator because she is unable to make decisions for herself.”

U Care Plus: You were appointed… what?”

Me: “Conservator. It is the legal term in West Virginia.”

U Care Plus: “I have to speak with my supervisor.”

(Yet again, I wait for about ten minutes.)

U Care Plus: “Thanks for your patience. Mister Ice, we need documents that show you were appointed by the court to represent Gwendolyn.”

Me: “Of course. Should I send them to P. O. Box 5555?”

U Care Plus: “How did you get this address?”

Me: “I received it with your response to my change-of-address letter.”

U Care Plus: “Our response? We only correspond with policyholders, sir.”

Me: “Right, right. Okay! You want me to send court documents.”

U Care Plus: “We need court documents indicating that you were appointed to represent your mother and a death certificate for your father. Additionally we need identification to prove you are her relative. We then need the license number for the nursing home and a fax of your mother’s social security card. Also include a contact at the nursing home so we can verify that she lives there, presently.”

Me: “All that to update a mailing address?”

U Care Plus: “Would you like me to repeat those requirements, Mister Ice?”

Me: “No, I got it, thank you.”

U Care Plus: “Is there anything else I can help you with, today?”

Me: “No, nothing else.”

U Care Plus: “U Care Plus, We care because you care. Have a nice day!”

While these experiences have been frustrating, at least the voice of a live operator offered some sense of being connected. Dealing with a recorded menu of options was much more difficult and time consuming. I quickly learned to sit with a stack of papers and a full cup of coffee whenever such days of telephone contact were at hand.

I am sure Dad was doing the same, for many years.

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