c.
2017 Rod Ice
All
rights reserved
(3-17)
Seeking
employment has never been a chore that carries any real joy as an
experience. For anyone.
Personally,
I consider it labor - without a job. A unique conundrum of
experiences. The only reward is a sense of relief in the aftermath. A
breath drawn carefully, once gainful work has finally been secured.
But because my long-term retail career has seemed to operate on a
duration schedule of six to seven years before a closure or business
sale, I have regularly been in the position of looking to get hired.
Suggestions
sent from OhioMeansJobs.com can vary unpredictably with the nature of
open positions. One might guess that they use a ‘scattergun’
algorithm to calculate search results. This works for a variety of
job seekers. Independent visits to Indeed.com or CareerBuilder.com
typically produce a similar effect. On some days, my efforts yield
lightning-strike accuracy. On others, I simply close the laptop PC,
drowning in hopeless futility.
What
follows here are a few examples gleaned from my most recent adventure
in unemployment:
Administrator
Assistant, Cemetery Office, Western Reserve Memorial Gardens
Chesterland,
OH
(Indeed.com)
Part-time,
$11.00 an hour.
“We
are currently seeking a part-time Cemetery Administrator near
Chesterland, OH. The Administrator provides prompt and accurate
assistance in all cemetery administrative matters. These services
include property transfers, deeds, accounting reports, processing
documentation related to burials, cremations, processing sales
contracts as well as various clerical functions… Typical schedule
is 12:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. but some occasional Saturday mornings may
be needed.”
>>
Not a profession I am familiar with by any means. But it seems likely
that the customer service skills I have developed over many years of
retail management would be useful in this sort of endeavor.
Give
Away Free Government Cell Phones
Cleveland
Metro Area
(Craigslist.org)
Sales
commission, $700 - $1200 weekly.
“This
is a unique outreach program that allows you to give away free smart
phones that include 350 talk minutes and unlimited text messaging and
500 megabytes per month. (Some refer to this as an ‘Obama Phone.’}
...Must be 18 years old and older… All agent(s) must go through an
application, background check and drug test (Federal government
requirements). The background check has a fee of $75.00, this will be
reimbursed to you after successful 30 phone applications have been
given away.”
>>This
job seems guaranteed to provide many interesting tales of interacting
with people in need. Suggested venues for giving away phones include
payday loan stores, public libraries and the local Social Security
office.
Propane
Cylinder Filler, 2nd
Shift – Airgas
Oakwood
Village
(careerbuilder.com)
Full-time,
health benefits and 401K.
“The
Propane Cylinder Filler will be responsible for liquid Propane and
Propylene in compliance with federal, state, local regulations, and
the standard operating procedures of Airgas. Responsible for meeting
all safety standards in the filling, loading and unloading of
cylinder gasses per Airgas procedures. High school diploma or GED
preferred.”
>>Obvious
perhaps, but this listing immediately had me pondering a life path
taken in the manner of Hank Hill from the notable “King of the
Hill” cartoon series.
Donation
Door Attendant – Goodwill
Painesville,
OH
(monster.com)
Full-time.
(Description says 29 hours per week, however.)
“The
Donation Door Attendant will maintain positive donor relations
through actions and friendliness. This person greets people who are
donating goods, thanks them, and gives the donor tax receipts
according to agency policies, procedures and practices. The Donor
Door Attendant represents the agency in a positive way to the general
public by his/her actions and friendliness… Able to work weekends,
evenings and holidays as required.”
>>I
have often thought that my personal penchant for collecting would
make working at a Goodwill or Salvation Army thrift store something
guaranteed to be both memorable and rewarding.
Sports
Photography – Indians Baseball Insider LLC
Eastlake,
OH
(OhioMeansJobs.com)
Intern,
media pass given.
“Selected
applicants will be responsible for following and attending the home
games for teams in the Northeast Ohio area including but not limited
to the Cleveland Indians, Akron RubberDucks, Lake County Captains
(Eastlake, OH) and Mahoning Valley Scrappers (Niles, OH). The primary
responsibility for applicants will be to attend games for one of the
minor league teams on a regular basis to provide photos for the site,
and if possible, to attend a few games for the other teams to provide
pictures for them. You will be given a media pass to access all home
games and food and beverage(s) will be provided before each game by
the team. There is no cost to attend any of the games except how you
get there.”
>>I
did a bit of this while working for Gazette Newspapers as Sports
Editor, around ten years ago. If nothing else, the job would bring
lots of summer entertainment, for free.
Dog
Facility Cleaning and Maintenance – The UltiMutt Inn & Pet
Resort
Burton,
OH
(SimplyHired.com)
Full-time,
$10.00 - $13.00 per hour.
“We
are an activity based luxury dog hotel and take pride in the care of
our guests and the cleanliness of our facility… Duties will include
but are not limited to, daily facility cleaning and maintenance. The
ideal candidate will… be physically fit and capable of handling all
size dogs… Some dog interaction will be required.”
>>We
are dog fans in the Ice household. I can only wonder if my Black Lab
might be put off by the scent of other canines on my clothes when I
returned home from work.
Website
Needs A Model – Biker Apparel
Open
location
(Craigslist.org)
Paid
by the photo, $10.00 each.
“We
are building a website for biker apparel. Mannequins just don’t
work. Compensation: we send you free apparel, you take the pictures
and send them back to us and we pay $10.00 for the picture. We have
many different design(s) so this could be an on going (sic) source of
income. Send us a recent picture so we can (see) what tops would fit
you best. See sample photos.”
>>While
this particular job would not be appropriate for myself, I could
certainly create a series based on the opportunity: “Women Actually
Submitting
Fashion Photos via Craigslist.”
Each
of these job listings represents a unique opportunity to rejoin the
work force. I could find sufficient cause to tackle any of them in
the pursuit of a dependable income. But perhaps most compelling, from
a personal perspective, is the opportunity they yield to once again
come before readers with a bit of prose to provoke thought and
discussion.
For
a creative writer, any life experience brings inspiration – even
the humble chore of securing a regular paycheck.
Comments
or questions about “Words on the Loose” may be sent to:
icewritesforyou@gmail.com
Published
regularly in the Geauga Independent
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