“Craigslist Crazy”

c. 2017 Rod Ice

All rights reserved

(3-17)

Craigslist.

Merely speaking this name aloud is an act of rebellion. The moniker carries a connotation of seediness. Of shady deals, of unfulfilled promise, of the fringe. Yet every day, this expansive website proves its worth as a tool for job postings, social networking and commentary.

My last employer cheerfuly posted opportunities with the company on Craigslist. Because they could be offered at no cost to the business and potentially reach thousands of readers from the county. Quite often, the connections made through this site resulted in missed interviews or undependable candidates. But the zero-cost factor remained attractive. I often likened it to casting a fishing net on the water. The catch could be unpredictable. Yet worth the chance that big results might come from this minimal investment.

After hours, I often pondered the variety of job posts on this website. There seemed to be much useful ‘chum’ for my newspaper column. With the sort of breezy, free-form writing one could barely hope to create accurately in a fictional environment. I reckoned it was a portal into genuine sociological study. And an opportunity to pursue my craft as a professional scribe.

A recent scroll through pages on Craigslist yielded several interesting posts:

NOW CASTING – Men Wanting To Be Fathers / 6063919264

(Cleveland)

“I’m a TV Casting Producer looking for a single man 35-40 yrs old (with no children) who would like to be matched with the perfect co-parent to have a baby with for a new series on a major cable network! Living together and romance is not necessary! MUST have a job, be outgoing, independent and serious about having and raising a child! Email back if this sounds like you!”

Living together and romance not necessary? This seemed basically like a divorce without any of the pre-split perks. I would guess some kind of agreement, not a pre-nuptuial but instead a non-nuptuial accord, might be involved?

Ladies Paid To Get Tickled / 6062588888

(Mayfield Heights)

“I’m looking for women that have very cute and ticklish feet that are willing to get them massaged and tickled for an hour and a half as well as your entire body. You will get $100 for the time. A pic of your feet must be sent. Put you(r) shoe size in the subject line. You must come to me. The smaller the feet, the better.”

I had to wonder over the time allotment. Not $100 for one hour but for 1.5 hours? That seemed guaranteed to create billing issues. Also, since tickling of the feet appeared to be a focal point, should this action not be paid at a higher rate than tickling the rest of the body?

Looking For Creepypasta Writer / 6043525242

(No Location)

“Hello, I am writing this as I am looking for any individuals that are talented writers. Someone that can specifically write creepypastas for me. The right person is probably already familiar with what creepypastas are, but if not, they are short stories that are meant to scare the reader/listener. I prefer stories that are on the unsettling/mindf*** side. A good story with a little character development – things that will keep the reader/listener interested. A great twist to an already well written story is fantastic too. I am looking for stories that would range from 20 minutes to an hour long if read aloud. I am of course, willing to pay for these stories. Upon doing that, I would like the stories to appear nowhere else online aside from my website, as that’s basically the point of my site… If I were to use your story, you will be given credit as the author under whatever name you’d like me to use. If I like your writing, we will work out a deal.”

I had never heard this particular term before. (Automatically excluded from any potential deal!) Not sure if the advertiser here is simply an editor/publisher or someone with a carnal interest in oddball fiction. I would guess the backstory might be more interesting than any of the actual manuscripts submitted.

Mature Woman For Phone Chat With Me / 6033118923

(No Location)

“Gentleman author seeking a strict minded, mature, female who believes in discipline to discuss various scenarios. These discussions help me to be productive in my writing of stories (for publications, movies). I pay by pp 60 cents a minute for conversations that often run an hour or more several times a week. Prefer women 35 and up. Reply will get you phone number and a time to call for more info.”

At such a generous rate of pay ($36 per hour) I was tempted to refer this ad to my friend Janis, who is in her early 40’s. It would be the sort of side income she might find useful for cigarette money. And certainly amusing during the slow evening hours after work. A greater reward than investing in satellite TV to pass the time.

Trivia Hosts Wanted! / 6047882226

(Cleveland)

“Do you love Jeopardy? Is Bob Barker your idol? Have you dreamed of becoming a game show host? Then this is the gig for you! Last Call Productions is a fun and professional live Trivia company that put(s) on hundreds of Trivia shows across the country in local bars in restaurants… Potential hosts must confidently be able to read trivia questions, play music (host must have their own smart phone or laptop [recommended]), handle audio equipment (can be provided by Last Call and easy to use), keep score (Excel scoresheet template provided), interact with Trivia teams, entertain the crowd, and other small tasks. Trivia shows last about 2 hours and are generally in the evening hours… $50 - $55 per gig.”

You had me at ‘Bob Barker!’ Depending on the travel costs and preparation time, this particular opportunity might average out to a reasonable wage. An entertaining way to spend the evening. If drinks were included, gratis, on behalf of the venue involved, this might become significantly more attractive as a potential opportunity.

Manager, Assistant Manager/VIP Floorhost (Crazy Horse Airport) / 6031425240

(Brook Park)

“The individual chosen should be able to learn, follow and administer specific and detailed training instructions on the art of hospitality and taking care of our clientele. Prior experience in the industry is appreciated. Applicants must: possess a patient, positive attitude and an outgoing and friendly personality. Have the ability to work with, train and manage a variety of people and personality types. Have a desire to work hard and give excellent customer service...”

The thought of working in a professional ‘strip club’ seems intriguing. Guaranteed to produce stories that might be useful at a later time for a creative writer, if cloaked in anonymity. Even at an entry-level rate of pay, this opportunity might prove to be rewarding as an avenue to look just beneath the veneer of everyday civility in search of prose.

My Craigslist adventure in job seeking provided yet another moment where a column seemed to ‘write itself.’ And I had only begun to browse. Further installments of this kind seemed likely to follow.

Thank you, Mr. Craig.

Comments about ‘Words on the Loose’ may be sent to: icewritesforyou@gmail.com

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